oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We had to coat check the pizza.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How external is "for external use only"?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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