you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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