What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
