I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
