mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
