it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
