he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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