I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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