its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
