Four minutes until I can fart!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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