the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
