Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
