I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
