Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
