I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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