She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
