I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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