In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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