You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
