He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
