When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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