I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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