my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
