i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
