last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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