guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
