3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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