if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
