Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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