this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
