I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
