Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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