in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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