Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
