I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
