Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
organizing the empties. That sober.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
