Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
