I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
