Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
