According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
