Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
