Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
