Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
