meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
