I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
