i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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