A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
