So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
