That's intense
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
