1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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