I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
