i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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