I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
