i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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