Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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